I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
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Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize