OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
