i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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