I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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