ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
