chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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