so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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