The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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