I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
