Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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