he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
