I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
