the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
