Duck Duck Cougar?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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