Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
