Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
