i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
