Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
