Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
