another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
What a dumb baby whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
