This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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