Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dick very happy bro