i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.