he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.