it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?