I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
