in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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