i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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