They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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