I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Randomize
