Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
im on a boat
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