did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
