I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
