At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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