i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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