Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
