He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
