I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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