Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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