dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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