I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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