Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
