took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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