Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
