But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
