Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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