Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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