I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
