The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
honey bunches of taint.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
