I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
