just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
