The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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