I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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