So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize