Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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