Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
