Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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