I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
