I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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