Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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