im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
