i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
