I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
