I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Congratulations! We have a period
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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